I Can't Let You Go
by IHaveTheKeyToYourHeart
Summary: Julia's twin sister Erin has enrolled at Degrassi, desperate to be Eli's friend again like she was before Julia's death. But what'll happen when Eli wants to keep Erin in the past but she refuses to stay there?
1. Chapter 1

** Summary: Julia's twin sister Erin has enrolled at Degrassi, desperate to be Eli's friend again like she was before Julia's death. But what'll happen when Eli wants to keep Erin in the past but she refuses to stay there? Erin will do anything to get any part of her past back, including ending other people's lives.**

**There will definitately be Eclare in this story. And minor Fadam because I love this couple just as much as Eclare and even though they don't fit in with the plot, I have to throw them into the mix. (:**

**BTW, this story starts out on the first day of the 2011-2012 school year. The year Eli is a senior.**

**A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated anything in such a long time. I've been busy and I'm sorta lost interest in writing Degrassi fanfic, but after watching When Love Takes Over, I got my inspiration back. I loved every part of When Love Takes Over. I LOVE Fadam even more, Dr. Chris and Anya aren't bad because I've always loved Anya's character, and Sadie/Dave seem interesting. Oh and who could forget the few cute/funny Eclare scenes in this episode?**

_(Erin's POV)_

My mom reached over and squeezed my hand.

"Have a good first day, sweetie." she said, smiling sweetly and handing me my backpack from the backseat of the car. I forced a small smile back.

"I'll try." I said, reaching for the door handle.

My mom sighed. "I know you didn't want to switch schools Erin, but I think Bardell carried too many memories and it was just too hard for you. I think Degrassi will be just what you need, a fresh new start. That's why Eli changed schools remember?"

I winced at the mention of Eli's name. I was surprised my mom used his name, especially because it was still hard for her to talk about anything Julia related. It seemed like so long ago since I had seen Eli. In fact, the last time we had talked had been at the funeral. When we mumbled a goodbye to each other after the service. Right after that, he dropped out of school for the rest of the semester and the next school year he was home schooled for a year. Then I heard his parents enrolled him at a different school.

"Yeah, I remember." I said. "Well, don't wanna be late on the first day."

I opened the car door and slung my backpack over my shoulder. My mom waved goodbye and drove away. I sighed and turned around, to face the school that I would spend senior year at.

Degrassi Community School hung in big, silver letters over the front doors. There were a bunch of stairs leading to the front doors, which were crowded with students. Excited voices filled the air. Groups of girls were squealing excitedly as they greeted their friends, groups of guys were standing casually and talking, and a few couples sat on the stairs, swapping spit and being completely obnoxious with their PDA.

I sighed and walked up the stairs, dodging a bunch of jerks that were play-wrestling on the stairs like a couple of four year old babies and not watching who they were running into. I rolled my eyes and threw open the door and stepped inside.

The smell of recently waxed floors and cleaning products was almost overpowering. At least this school was into cleanliness. I looked around what appeared to be the school lobby. Their was a staircase to my left that lead to the second floor, a couple of hallway entries in front of me, and what appeared to be the main office to my right. I walked towards the office and stopped in front of the front counter.

"Hi can I help you?" a lady on the other side of the counter who sounded bored asked me as she rose from a desk and stumbled over to the counter.

"Uh, yeah. I'm a new student and not sure where to go." I said, dropping my backpack on to the floor by my feet. The lady nodded.

"Sure-sure. I'll go find you some things you have to fill out. What's your name?" she asked me, pulling some eye glasses off the counter and sticking them on her face.

"Erin King." I said, trying to sound cheery.

The lady disappeared into a side room and returned a second later with a stack of pastel colored papers. I groaned to myself as she passed them to me along with a half-chewed on pencil.

I started answering the questions, which were pretty basic and didn't take long. I could hear the lobby start to gradually get louder as more and more people filed inside. I glanced up at the clock. School started in ten minutes. I was just getting to the last page of the papers when I heard a soft, girly voice behind me.

"Uh hi. I was told by the people at the schedule table that I had to come here to get mine because I changed some of my classes around so you would have my new schedule." The voice said. I turned around. A short, curvy girl with poofy, curly hair wearing a hideous green and pink floral shirt and a denim mini skirt was standing there.

I turned back towards the paper in front of me, filling in the last questions. The lady behind the desk was handing a sheet of paper to the girl in back of me as I slid my completed papers over to her.

"Hey you." A male's voice said behind me. I froze. I would have recognized that voice anywhere.

I spun around quickly, practically falling to the ground in shock as I took in the sight before me. Eli was standing there, his face connected with that girl who needed her schedule. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I tried to believe what I was seeing.

"Eli!" I half-shouted, half-whimpered in surprise. Eli immediately stopped sucking that girl's face and turned towards me, his eyes wide.

"Erin?" he asked, just as surprised. The girl looked from Eli to me, completely confused.

He didn't look any different. He still had the same dyed brown-black hair, with long bangs and messy ends. He was still sort of the goth-type, wearing black skinny jeans with a studded belt and a black blazer and t-shirt. I felt a wave of emotion crash over me as a bunch of memories flooded my mind.

"Oh… my… God." Eli finally stumbled out, running a hand through his hair. "You… you go to school here now?"

I couldn't tell if he was happy or sad to see me. Just shocked.

"Uh, yeah, I do. I couldn't stand it at Bardell anymore…" I said awkwardly, staring at the ground.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm Clare." The girl said, sticking out her hand towards me. I slowly reached out and shook her hand.

"Uh hi." I said, forcing another small smile.

"So you're Erin? Uh… Eli told me that Julia had a twin sister named Erin." Clare said. "Nice to meet you."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest, as I always did at the mention of Julia's name. Eli glanced at Clare quickly then to me.

"Uh, you too." I said.

There was an awkward silence for a bit, like we were all trying to think of something to say.

"Well, uh, we should catch up sometime." Eli said, sounding like he was trying to be polite. "Maybe we'll have some classes together too."

"Yeah maybe." I said.

"Oh, and if you need help finding your classes, just ask." Eli said.

I nodded. "No thanks. I have a pretty good sense of direction."

Eli nodded too. "Well, see you around Erin. Nice to see you again."

Clare and Eli walked away, towards the staircase. As they got far enough away, I saw him reach out and intertwine his fingers with hers. I felt myself fill with anger.

When they were making out before I guess I was too shocked to really register it. So Eli had a girlfriend? He was already over Julia?

I mean it had been just about two years. Okay, two and a half. But I would have thought it would have taken him even more time. Anyone who had witnessed Julia and Eli together back in the day would have known what they had together was totally _intense._ Even though they were both barely fifteen when they were together, they acted like they were ten years older then they were. I mean, they had sex, all the time! Julia told me herself because she told me everything. And Julia was always sleeping over at Eli's. Almost every night up until the accident.

And when Julia passed, she was 3 months pregnant. I knew how excited and scared they both were. I remember when they told me one night after we all went to the park together.

_I walked inside the house, locking the door behind Eli and Julia. They were oddly quiet that night, not like they usually were. I followed them into the living room, where they sat on one of the couches together._

_ Julia reached for the remote but I grabbed it out of her hands._

_ "What the fuck Erin?" Julia snapped. I winced. Julia was super easy to piss off, and the slightest things set her off._

_ "Relax Jules." Eli said quietly. She shot him a look._

_ "Look, I wanna know what's going on with you two and I wanna know now." I demanded. "You've been acting weird all night."_

_ I saw Julia shot Eli a panicked look. Eli stiffened and sat up a bit._

_ "What do you mean?" Eli asked, trying to act innocent._

_ "Shut up Eli. Just tell me the truth already. It'll make this a lot easier." I said, placing my hands on my hips._

_ Julia and Eli exchanged a look._

_ "Fine. You'll know sooner or later." Julia began. "Look, I'm pregnant. I just found out today."_

_ I felt my body go rigid. Eli was staring at the ground. Julia was avoiding eye contact with me. Then all of a sudden, I pounced on Eli and started punching him._

_ "You bastard! You know they invented this fantastic piece of rubber called a condom! You couldn't have used one? You friggen dumb-" I was cut off as Julia threw me off of him._

_ Eli stared at me wide eyed as he rubbed his chest._

_ "Ow?" he said quietly, completely caught off guard._

_ "You bitch it's not Eli's fault!" Julia screamed, lifting her arm to punch me. Eli grabbed Julia's fist and pushed her arm down._

_ "So it's completely yours? I'd love to hear this!" I yelled._

_ "No… well it's both of ours. But don't take it out on Eli. He didn't want this to happen either."_

_ "Well, obviously!" I said. "B-but, mom and dad are gonna kill you!"_

_ "Like I haven't thought of that!" Julia yelled. Mom and Dad were completely clueless that Eli and Julia were having sex. Which is pretty dumb, what did they think Julia and Eli were doing at all those nights Julia spent at Eli's house? Comparing their Pokemon card collections?_

_ We all sat in silence for a few moments. I sighed after awhile._

_ "Don't tell them. At least, let them figure it out themselves." I suggested._

_ "What?" Julia asked in surprise. "I can't do that!"_

_ "Well, once you tell them, you know they're gonna make you stop seeing Eli. You might as well enjoy the time you have left."_

_ Julia looked at Eli. She looked back at me, her eyes shining with tears because she knew it was true._

_ And then she left the room, silently. Eli got up from the couch and followed her._

The bell rang. I grabbed my schedule from the office lady and hurried to find my first class.

**A/N: Review please! Tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh gosh, it's almost been four months since I last updated this. (I'm terribly sorry; I have a habit of starting a story with one chapter and then never updating it again.) But I'm determined to finish all stories I've started this summer (I just finished school a few days ago.) So, this was always one of my favorites and one of my favorite ideas as well so I can't wait to get back into it!**

_Eli's POV_

As I walked away from Erin, I tried my best to act like nothing was different then before. I grabbed Clare's hand, intertwining my fingers with hers in a strong grip that I tried to relax as we walked but I felt like I was holding on for dear life. Clare was too smart not to notice and rubbed my arm gently.

"Eli, it's going to be okay." she said soothingly. I looked down at her, forcing a small smile.

"I know. I mean, I just didn't expect that at all." I said, letting out a shaky breath. "It caught me off guard."

"That's understandable." Clare said, patiently. But I knew what she wanted to ask me: If I was happy to see her along with being shocked.

But that was an answer I didn't have at the moment. Seeing Erin, it was like a punch in the gut. As soon as I heard her say my name I was hit with a wave of memories. Tidbits of things Julia had said, things Erin had said in the past, our times together as friends and me and Julia's time together, alone. It was a lot to take in at once and I felt weak all over.

"Let's just get to class; I need to focus on something else." I said, trying to keep the desperation out of my tone.

Clare looked up at me and smiled sadly. "Sure. What did you say you had first hour again?"

"Physics," I replied. Clare glanced down at the pastel green colored paper in her hand that was her schedule.

"Darn. I have Creative Writing. I can't believe we don't have that class together." Clare said, frowning. I sighed.

"Well, maybe we'll have English together again." I replied. I grabbed her schedule from her and sure enough, we had our beloved class together, 7th hour. Our teacher was even Ms. Dawes again. I was disappointed we didn't have Creative Writing together though; we both took that elective this year, hoping we'd be in the same class.

Clare smiled. "Well, there's something to look forward to! Maybe we'll even be partners again."

I chuckled. "I hope."

The bell rang, signaling we had five minutes to get to class. We were on the second floor, where my first hour class was. Clare's was downstairs where the English classrooms were. I kissed her goodbye and she squeezed my hand before heading towards the stairs. She passed by Adam, who was coming up the stairs, and waved at him. Adam waved back and then spotted me and walked up to me, grinning from ear to ear.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" I said, forcing myself to sound somewhat cheerful. I didn't need to tell Adam about Erin five minutes before class started.

"I'm just excited to be back at school!" Adam proclaimed, semi-sarcastically. I looked at him weirdly and he chuckled. "Actually, I just spent the last fifteen minutes with Fiona in the back of a taxi."

I raised an eyebrow and fist-pounded him. "Wait a minute… a taxi? Wasn't there like… the taxi driver witnessing whatever it is you two were doing?"

Adam chuckled. "Ew, gross. No. Fiona paid him fifty bucks to get out of the car for that time. He thought we were crazy but obviously the dude likes tips."

I laughed. "Nice." I paused. "Wait a minute…"

"We were just making out, Eli. Don't be gross." Adam said.

I smirked. "Right. Anyways, what do you have first hour?"

"Chemistry. How about you?"

I sighed. "Damnit. I took Physics this year."

"Have fun." Adam said, as he stepped into a classroom we were walking by. I shook my head, thankful for the small distraction from my thoughts of Erin, but they had now resumed. I walked into my classroom, determined to concentrate for the entire class. But I knew no matter how hard I tried, that most likely wouldn't happen.

_Erin's POV_

My stomach was churning as I entered my first hour class: Creative Writing. The shock of seeing Eli hadn't worn off. It was stupid of me to be so surprised though. I should have known he transferred here. I mean, Bardell and Degrassi are really close, distance wise. He didn't move so obviously he would go to the next closest school, like I did. But I hadn't seen him in two and a half years. That's a lot of time and he almost seemed unreal. It almost felt like he was a character, from some movie I had seen years ago and I was just re-watching the movie for the first time. Okay, that's a really bad metaphor, since Eli was so much more then that.

I sat down in the first desk I saw; one right by the door in the corner. A few people who were sitting up farther turned around and stared at me but instantly turned around when I looked at them. I was expecting this; everyone stares at the new girl.

I glanced up at the clock. Still four more minutes until class started. My mind started to drift away when I heard someone step in the room.

I turned around and let out a tiny hiccup sound. Clare stood by the door, smiling at me.

"Hi Erin!" she greeted me kindly as she sat down in the desk next to me. "It's so cool that we have first hour together!"

I couldn't tell if she was just being polite or actually meant it. I was guessing she was just being polite, because why would she like me? I'm her boyfriend's, dead ex-girlfriend's twin sister. It was an awkward situation.

"Hi Clare." I said. "And yeah… very cool."

Clare smiled. "Do you like writing?"

I nodded. "It's alright. I just needed another class so I just kind of chose a random elective."  
Clare nodded. "Well, I'm sure this class will be pretty fun. Writing is a great way to express yourself. I just love it."

Now, this girl was starting to get on my nerves. She was way too peppy and upbeat. Maybe she was just as uncomfortable as I was and felt it was necessary to be overly nice to me?

"Uh, yeah." I said, which was all I could think of to say. Clare nodded, smiling again as the bell rang. Talk about saved by the bell.

A woman with sandy hair and glasses, wearing a hideous maxi skirt that looked like a tablecloth and an orange sweater strode into the room holding a coffee cup.

"Clare!" the woman said, stopping in front of Clare's desk. "I have two classes with you this semester. What a treat!"

Clare smiled. "I'm looking forward to both, Ms. Dawes."

I practically gagged from all the teacher-student-affection. I was never the best student and preferred to not talk to my teachers unless absolutely necessary. I was hoping I would go unnoticed throughout this hour.

"Oh, and we have a new student this year in our class! Students, this is Erin King. I'm excited to see your writing style Ms. King." Ms. Dawes said to me, smiling at me. I just nodded, wanting everyone to stop staring at me.

Class dragged by slowly. Ms. Dawes mostly talked the entire time, like most teachers do on the first day, and I found myself thinking of Eli the entire time.

**A/N: Filler I know. I hate that about the first few chapters of a story you have to set everything up before you can delve into any drama. Please review! I hope to have a new chapter up everyday!**


	3. Chapter 3

**My summer is so boring so far. I hate how during the school year I'm so busy I barely have time to watch Degrassi but in the summer I have NOTHING to do. At least I have way more time to update.**

** Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. I think there were two people and I wasn't expecting much so thanks guys!**

_Erin's POV_

As soon as the bell rang, signaling first hour was done; I grabbed my backpack and raced out of the room. I didn't wanna have to act all buddy-buddy with Clare anymore then I had to. The rest of my morning classes were boring, and I didn't have anymore with Clare or Eli.

But after fourth hour ended, I was faced with a very common new student problem. Where am I supposed to sit at lunch? I felt myself get a little nervous as I walked into the cafeteria.

Only a few other students were sitting at the tables. I must have been one of the first ones here. I got into the lunch line and purchased some fries and a big cookie (I thought I deserved some junk food.) I then looked around at the tables again. A lot more were filled now, with various groups of girls, guys and couples. I sighed, knowing there was no place for me, and decided I'd go lock myself in a bathroom stall and eat there. But as I was walking out of the cafeteria, I practically walked into Clare and Eli.

I noticed Eli's eyes widen a little and Clare just smiled warmly at me. I forced a smile back and tried to get around them.

"Erin, hi!" Clare greeted. "Where are you going?

I felt my cheeks grow warm when I knew I couldn't come up with a good excuse. "I… I was actually gonna go eat in the bathroom."

Clare's huge blue eyes seemed to instantly fill with sappy sympathy. "Oh gosh, you know, you can always sit with us!"

Clare looked at Eli, who hadn't said anything the entire time.

"Yeah, that'd be cool. You can sit with us." he said, not sounding like he wanted me to sit with them _at all._

"Uh, that's okay. I wouldn't want to," I paused, searching for the right word. "Intrude."

Clare chuckled. "Nonsense. We sit with some other people too so it's no problem, really! Come on!"

She smiled again and grabbed my wrist, dragging me through the rows of tables towards the back of the cafeteria. I noticed halfway there she turned around and looked at Eli, who was following us, but I couldn't see her face to know what was going on. I felt really shy when Clare stopped in front of a table full of unfamiliar faces. She sat down and gestured for me to sit down next to her. I dropped down next to her, dropping my backpack on the floor, and set my food down, but my appetite was long gone. Eli sat down on the other side of Clare.

"Everyone, this is Erin King. She's new." Clare said, gesturing to me again. Everyone at the table stared at me, all but one girly looking guy wearing a gray beanie. He stared at me in bewilderment.

A girl with long wavy brown hair slid down the other side of the table, closer to me. She stuck out her hand and I shook it. She smiled.

"I'm Fiona Coyne." she said. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." I replied, quietly. I awkwardly started breaking my big cookie into crumbs.

"Just a word of advice, avoid the school fries." she said, pointing at my fries.

I looked up at her, puzzled. "Why?"

She cleared her throat. "Well, they have some nasty side effects."

I understood what she meant and slid the fries away from me. She laughed.

"By the way, I love your pants. Paint splatter is totally about to come back in style." she said. I looked down at my pants. I was just wearing a basic pair of dark wash jeans that I purposefully I had decorated with various paint. They were pretty old.

"Oh… yeah." I said, not sure of what else I could say. Fiona just smiled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Clare was busy talking with the girly looking guy, and Eli. The guy had a weird expression on his face and Eli was whispering across the table to him. Clare kept interjecting every once in awhile, and would whisper something as well.

After I had completely destroyed my cookie into microscopic crumbs, I got up and threw it away. I sat back down, and Fiona had slid back down the table. She was next to the guy, and they were holding hands above the table. A few other people were at the table, way on the other end. Eli had his arm around Clare and I was alone on my side of the table.

Clare noticed and slid down the table. "Hey Erin, come down here. We're all talking about teachers and maybe you could a thing or two."

She grabbed my arm, again, and pulled me down towards the middle of the table, where he and Eli were. Eli looked at me again, not saying anything. He was pretty polite and cherry this morning, I was wondering what happened.

I listened in on their conversation for a bit, but I was completely not interested. The girly looking guy was staring at me a lot, and it was making me a little uncomfortable.

"Uh, sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Adam." he stated.

I nodded. "Nice to meet you."

"Um, so you're Julia's sister?" he asked. Guess he knew everything and must have been good friends with Eli. Eli quickly looked away, towards the window on the other side of the table.

"Yeah." I replied simply. Adam nodded.

"Um, I'm really sorry." he said.

I cleared my throat, I hated sympathy. "Thanks."

"Sure." Adam said.

The rest of them went back into some conversation, an Indian girl joined in this time, and she never even looked my way. I sat there silently, counting down the minutes until the bell rang.

And finally, it did. I stood up, hopping off the bench and walking back down the table towards my backpack. As I slung it over my shoulders, I practically knocked Eli over with it.

"Oh!" I said, surprised. "Sorry."

He just nodded. "It's okay. See you later."

He practically ran off. I wrinkled my brow in confusion. Clare passed by me and stopped in front of me.

"What class do you have next?" she asked.

I grabbed my schedule out of my pocket and unfolded it.

"Art." I replied. She nodded.

"I have math but I'm going in that direction. I'll show you where your room is."

I forced a smile. "Thanks."

Clare and I walked out of the cafeteria and down a hallway. She stopped suddenly and turned towards me.

"Hey, is it cool if I talk to you sometime? I know that sounds weird but there's just a lot I should tell you about."

I blinked, wanting to yell 'no' in her face and run away. This didn't sound good at all, and the last thing I wanted to do was have any private one-on-one conversation with her.

"Um, sure." I said instead.

She smiled. "It's nothing serious, I swear. So when are you free?"

_Next year_, I thought, bitterly. "Um, tomorrow?"

"After school?" Clare asked. _No, at 3 A.M., _I thought, trying not to roll my eyes.

I nodded.

"Okay great. I'll meet you after school on the front steps and we can go to this café down the street called The Dot, where all the Degrassi kids hang out."

I nodded again. "Okay."

We started walking again and turned down a different hallway. Clare stopped in front of a room and gestured inside.

"Here's your room. Do you know how to get to your 6th hour class?" she asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks."

"No problem. Maybe we'll have another class again. But if not, see you tomorrow in Creative Writing!"

She waved goodbye and walked away. I finally used that eye roll that I wanted so desperately to use that entire conversation. I was starting to really not be able to stand Clare. She was so overly-happy, and she _so _did not seem like Eli's type. She was almost the complete opposite of how Julia was. I felt my chest ache, I shouldn't be comparing them. Even though I wasn't used to the idea of Eli having another girlfriend and probably wouldn't be for awhile, I knew that's what Julia would have wanted for him: to be happy.

I walked in the classroom and there was a seating chart taped up on the board. I found my seat and sat down. I found myself wanting to bite my fingers off when I saw Adam walk in the room. He glanced at the seating chart and walked towards where I was sitting and sat down next to me. He smiled a bit. I was getting sick of people smiling at me like we were going to be best friends or something.

"Hi Erin." he said. I mumbled a 'hi' back and pretending to be rummaging through my backpack for something.

"Are you good at art?" he asked. I looked up and nodded. Actually, art was probably the only class I was ever good at. Drawing was one of my favorite hobbies and using excelled at whatever else we did in any given art class.

He laughed a bit. "I'm not. Any chance you want to do all my projects for me?"

I giggled a bit, not as annoyed with him as I was with Clare.

"Sorry. Why did you take this class if you don't like art?" I asked. Adam shrugged.  
"You have to take an art class to graduate so, here I am!" he said. I laughed.

"Well, good luck. Art can get really frustrating if you don't like it."

"Boy, do I know _that._" Adam said. "In middle school we had to take an art class every year. I almost failed the 7th grade because of it."

I laughed. "Ouch."

Then Ms. Dawes entered the room. I bit my lip. For Christ's sake, does this woman teach every class in this school? (1)

**A/N: Haha, sorry that ended so abruptly. I have to go somewhere and I won't be back tonight most likely, and wanted to get this chapter up today and I felt it was long enough. Sorry it's another filler. I kind of want Erin and Adam to be friends! What do you think? As for the Clare/Erin talk, let's just say that does gonna kickoff the drama in this story (: And that'll be next chapter...!**

** (1) Hahaha, am I the only one who gets sick of seeing Ms. Dawes on the show sometimes? At my school, all the teachers only teach one subject. Like the English teachers only teach English classes. I don't get how Ms. Dawes teaches art and English!**


	4. Chapter 4

** Gosh, sorry it's been awhile. I've had a tad bit of writer's block and I've been lazy. Lol. The good news is I got my license the other day. (: Hello freedom!**

** Oh, and I just realized I included Fiona in this story when she SHOULD have graduated. Argh. Let's just say Fiona is a senior again… or something. Anyways, she isn't a big character so it shouldn't matter too much**

_ Erin's POV_

The rest of the day felt like it passed by quickly, a lot faster then I would have thought. Art class turned out to be the highlight of my day. Adam turned out to be pretty entertaining. He was one of those guys where you just had to listen to him because you had no idea what he was going to say next. He got yelled at a few times by Ms. Dawes, for talking. She sounded surprised that he was so talkative, meaning she must have had him for classes prior to that one. I don't get how she could be surprised; he seemed like the class clown type.

But as soon as the bell rang, Adam raced out of the room like he had just been set on fire, which I didn't understand and made me just a little offended. I didn't dwell on it though and breezed through the rest of the day. Though, I was pretty relieved when the final bell rang, meaning I had survived the first day.

I walked outside and down the front steps. I spotted my mom's car parked in a parking spot pretty close to the stairs. I got in and sat down, throwing my backpack into the backseat and changing the radio station.

My mom frowned at me and turned the radio completely off. I rolled my eyes slightly and crossed my arms.

"Dear, put your seatbelt on." she said, her voice sounding tired. I smacked my gum and buckled it.

She put the car into reverse and backed out of the spot.

"How was it?" she asked as she started to drive out of the parking lot.

I sighed. "Fine, I guess."

"Make any new-" she abruptly stopped talking as her eyes locked on something to the left of the car, and she slammed on the breaks. I heard her suck in some air shakily. I tried to find what she was looking at.

"Mom, you're holding up the cars behind you." I said, looking from her to back window. Someone honked their horn at us.

"Is… is that Eli's car?" she practically whispered. I finally spotted the hearse, parked a few rows beyond where we were. I felt the blood slowly drain from my face. _Oh god, I _really _don't want to have this conversation yet_, I thought.

"Uh, yeah." I said, gently. "He goes to school here, mom."

My mom looked at me, her eyes wide. Other cars started to pull around ours, more and more people started to honk at us, but my mom seemed oblivious to them.

"You're kidding." she said, sounding like she had just been slapped. She practically gasped as we both spotted Eli, walking towards the hearse.

I ran a hand through my hair. "I talked to him today, mom."

She looked at me, her eyes filled with tears. I bit my lip hard, tasting blood. I looked out the window, unable to look her in the eye anymore.

My mom finally seemed to realize she was holding everyone up as she let off the break and drove towards the parking lot exit. She was gripping the steering wheel so tightly, her knuckles were ghostly white.

"Well, it's definitately not too late to enroll you somewhere else. We can put you in a different school. There must be another high school around here." she said, talking really fast. I stared at her, not expecting her to say that _at all._

"Why? All because Eli happens to be at the same school?"

She glanced at me. "Erin, please."

"Don't 'Erin, please' me! You're the one who's being absolutely ridiculous here!" My hands were shaking badly, and I put them in my lap so my mom wouldn't notice.

"Erin, this would just be too difficult for you, I know it. It may not see like it now probably because you're in shock-" I cut her off.

"Are you kidding me? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! It's honestly not as big of a deal as you think!"

"How is it not a big deal?" my mom practically spat back, definitately getting pissed off.

"Well, I guess it is but I can deal. He was… nice." I said, my voice squeaking a little bit, like it always did when I lied.

"Nice?" she questioned, not buying it one bit. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, feeling utterly overwhelmed.

"Well, he was polite but he was obviously a little freaked out to see me." I said. My mom pulled in our driveway and parked the car in the garage, not saying anything. She turned the car off, holding the keys in her right hand. We sat in silence for a few moments.

"I… I don't even know what to say." my mom finally said. She opened her door and stepped out of the car and slammed the door, leaving me alone.

My mom then went in the house. I felt my eyes well up with tears and I bit down on my lip again to keep the tears from spilling over. I sunk down in my seat and buried my head between my knees, clenching my shaky hands into tight fists.

It wasn't fair. That Julia didn't have to deal with any of this. I sat for a good ten minutes, thinking the bitterest thoughts that I knew I would feel guilty about later.

After I was done with my own little pity party, I brushed the escaped tears from the corners of my eyes and grabbed my backpack. I got out of the car and went inside, breezing past my mom who was standing in the kitchen, slumped over the kitchen island, and ran upstairs.

I cringed as I passed by Julia's room, like I always did. The fact that I knew no one had stepped in there since Julia had been in there never settled with me. No one had any interest to go in there, since Julia was so private and always forbade anyone from going in there other then Eli. It just never seemed right to go in there.

I then went into my room, which was two doors past Julia's, and slammed the door, so hard it made the walls shake. I threw my backpack into the farthest wall and practically collapsed onto my bed.

I kicked my shoes off and crawled under my comforter, pulling it up around my shoulders. I stayed, frozen, staring at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. Like a thoughtless zombie, I just stared, feeling numb. I was surprised when I woke up later that night, feeling like my insides had been punched and scarred. I left my room to go to the bathroom, where I searched the medicine cabinet for something to swallow.

I found some Advil and took a few, along with sucking down a gallon of water. I was a little hungry, but there was no way I was going to go downstairs. It was possible that my mom had gone to bed, but I still wasn't positive of the time and there was a chance she could still be up.

I lived at my mom's house, most of the time. My parents got divorced when I was little, and my dad lived on the other side of town. He had remarried, to a woman named Erica, and neither Julia nor I had ever gone alone with the _crap_ he married. She was demanding, mean and even a little abusive. She was a witch along with other words that rhymed with witch. Once, when Julia got really pissed off at her for some reason and told her off, Erica slapped Julia across the face. I had no idea what my father saw in this demon woman, and I dreaded the few weeks a year I was obliged to live with them. My dad never seemed to see why we didn't like her, and whenever Julia or I had an argument with her, he always blamed it on us. Because of that, my dad and I have a difficult relationship. I used to have to spend half of my time at my dad's and half my time at my mom's, but ever since Julia passed, he said he'd be okay with me only staying a few weeks a year, or as how I saw it: "I really don't want to spend time with you or have you living here but my only other choice is to have to pay child support and I'd rather not do that."

The weeks leading up to Julia's death had been the worst with my step mom. She had caught Eli sneaking in at midnight once, and practically yelled Julia's ears off all that night. Then Julia had had enough and left the house with Eli, and she refused to come back to my dad's, ever. She had already been spending most of the weeks we were at dads at Eli's anyways, spending the majority of the days there and sneaking out at night, or having Eli sneak in to her room. Julia's relationship with our step mom made my relationship with her look like we were the best of friends. I knew if Julia could get away with murdering her, she would have.

So, to say I don't have very many people in my life would be an understatement. I have _no one. _Well, some days I had my mom, when we were getting along, but that was about it. But it wasn't always this way. When Julia was alive, she had a few good friends that I got to be friends with too. Julia was always a little more outgoing then I was, and because of that she made some friends while I kind of hung back. So even though Julia and I fought sometimes, like sisters do, we were still best friends and she hated seeing me alone all the time. So whenever her and her friends did something, she always included me. At first, her friends seemed a little annoyed that I was always tagging along, but after awhile, I was included into their little group. Julia and I were never popular throughout school, and neither were her friends, but it was nice not to be home alone on Friday and Saturday nights while Julia was out and about. Then, she met Eli. Things changed a lot then. Instead of hanging out with her friends, she chose to hangout with Eli. It was her first relationship and I didn't blame her for falling head over heels in love with him. They were crazy about each other, anyone could see that, and Eli was perfect for her. But then her friends and I started to drift away from Julia a bit. I found myself missing Julia a lot, because I barely saw her anymore. I then started to hangout with Eli and Julia instead of our girl friends. Eli and I got to be great friends then. He was like a brother to me, but sometimes I felt a little jealous that Julia had a boyfriend. Still to this day, I have never been on a date or even kissed a boy.

But, Julia and Eli and I got to be the best of friends. We were inseparable, well sometimes I was the odd one out because they were dating after all. And I couldn't hangout with them _all_ the time, but I was okay with that. But soon enough, our girl friends were long forgotten and they moved on. Julia didn't seem to care and since they were Julia's friends first, I never really tried to be friends with them again.

And after Julia's death, Eli completely cut himself off from me and like I said before, dropped out of school for the rest of the semester. His friendship was something I always missed, but was a little angry that he just left after she died. Even though I knew my mom blamed him a little bit for what had happened, because he was the one that caused her to leave his house on her bike that night, I never blamed him. Mourning Julia might have been easier if Eli and I could have helped each other through it.

But, I can't change people and I can't change what happened, and I know that. Still, if Julia was in my life still, I knew I would be a happier person. I knew I wouldn't be so alone all the time. I would still have my sister and my best friend. I gripped the sink in the bathroom as I felt tears drop down my cheeks. I just _really_ missed my sister.

**A/N: Sort of sad chapter, sorry. I know I said last chapter that Erin and Clare we're gonna have their talk at The Dot, but I had to add a lot of background information in one of these chapters and this one seemed like the best one to do so. So I promise that the next chapter is when the REAL drama is coming. Please review (: It makes me happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

** I deleted a bunch of stories I started and then only had one or two chapters for and then forever abandoned them, so now only the stories I have updated or finished are on here. (: I'm trying to get out of the habit of doing that. What happens is I get a really good idea and then I quickly lose interest in it. For some stories that doesn't happen, like this one.**

** I decided to start off of this chapter with a little bit of insight on Eli. Enjoy! I find him much easier to write then Erin, since I'm still developing Erin's personality and Eli's is obviously already set.**

_Eli's POV_

I stared at the surface of the table, twirling the ring around my thumb, a nervous habit I had gotten into in the past few years. I could feel Clare and Adam's eyes on me and I glanced up, my bangs falling into my eyes. I pushed them to the side.

They both had concerned expressions. I let out a breath, straightening up in my chair.

"Sorry. What were you saying?" I asked, trying to get back into the conversation. I didn't even remember what we were talking about.

"The conversation stopped like ten minutes ago." Adam said. Clare looked at Adam, then back at me and nodded.

"Sorry," I repeated, forcing a smirk. "I just zoned out a bit."

Clare frowned slightly and Adam chuckled without humor.

"A bit?" he questioned. "You look like you're trying to solve world hunger and figure out how to fix the economy all at once."

Clare ignored Adam and scooted her chair closer to mine. "I'm sorry today was so… weird for you."

She then lightly grabbed on to my hands, which I realized where shaking, again. I relaxed a bit at her comforting touch.

"It's not your fault." I said softly. It was all I could think of to say.

No one talked for a few minutes. I went back to staring at the table. Adam got up and I could hear him filling a glass of water.

We were at Adam's house, doing homework. It was Adam's idea and we all had enough homework, especially for the first day, that it was probably a good idea to have a study session. But the last thing I felt like doing right now was diving into my English homework. I didn't feel like doing anything right now.

Clare eventually let go of my hands and stood up, grabbing her books off the table and starting shoving them into her bag. She was still staring at me though, and I hated that I couldn't snap out of this disconnected mood I had been feeling all day. I knew this was upsetting Clare just as much as it was upsetting me, and I hated making her feel that way.

"It's almost five. I should get going. My dad and I were going to go out to dinner." she said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. I looked up again at her. Adam walked back over to the table.

"Okay. See you later." Adam said.

I stood up. "I'll drive you."

Clare looked surprised as I said that. "Are you sure?"

I nodded, taking my keys out of my backpack. Adam looked alarmed.

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" he asked. I pushed my chair under the table, sort of roughly.

"Why wouldn't I be okay to drive? I'm not drinking or anything." I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice as I clenched my fists. Clare slid her hands into her pockets and stared at the ground.

"It's just, you're really out of it." Adam said, now looking uncomfortable.

"I can drive. I'll be fine." I said, through gritted teeth. I don't know why I was getting so pissed off at Adam and I knew I would probably feel bad about it later. Adam sighed.

"Alright. Just… be careful." he said, walking towards the stairs. He ran up the stairs, leaving us to walk ourselves out.

Clare walked towards the front door, opening it and holding it open for me. We then walked towards Morty, who was parked in the driveway, and I walked in front of her and opened her door for her.

She smiled and said thanks as she got in. I then closed her door and walked over to the driver's side. I got in and slid the key into the ignition. I backed out of the driveway and then drove towards her house.

It was a short drive to her house and neither one of us said anything the entire way there. I then parked in front of her house and got out to open her door again.

She slowly got out of Morty and when she was fully out, I closed the door again. This was when she would normally kiss me or something but she just smiled slightly and started walking towards the house.

I wrinkled my brow and grabbed her arm lightly, pulling her back to me. She laughed slightly.

"What is it?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Don't you think you're forgetting something?"

"What-" I cut her off as I kissed her. It was a short kiss, and I was the one to end it.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't think you were in the mood." Clare said, biting her lip.

I sighed. "Sorry."

"It's okay. If you wanna talk I'll be back around seven. You can come over anytime after that."

I nodded. "Okay."

She waved slightly as she walked up to her front door. I turned around and got back in the car. I reached for the keys, to put them back into the ignition, but my hand just hovered by them.

Clare was right. It _had_ been a weird day. The last thing I was expecting to happen today was to see Erin. For the first second, I thought she was Julia. I felt like someone had hit me in the chest, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't suck in enough air. After that, I had felt funny all day. And it was like some bad movie how I kept having flashbacks all day. It was torturing me, and I wished Erin would have just stayed in the past. But that was impossible now that we were going to the same school.

And what made it just a little bit worse was Clare's sympathy towards Erin. I knew that was just how Clare was, but I wished she would get that I didn't want to see Erin, I didn't want to hear about Erin, I didn't want anything to do with Erin. I felt like screaming the entire lunch hour after Clare had invited her to sit with us. Plus, I knew Erin didn't want to sit with us either. She looked so uncomfortable the entire time, and only talked when someone felt bad enough to say something to her. That's how Erin was, shy and independent. Julia was always Erin's opposite.

I shook my head and started the car. Trying unsuccessfully to push thoughts of Erin and Julia to the back of my mind. Two and a half years later, and I was reminded that the pain of losing Julia hadn't gone away when I finally thought it was gone.

When I got home, I locked myself in my room. I didn't go to Clare's that night, knowing that our conversation would go nowhere, just like earlier.

_Erin's POV_

The next morning, I slipped on a pair of black sweats and my same black Converse. I didn't feel like taking time to wash my hair or do my makeup or anything that remotely resembled making me look better, mostly because I didn't care anymore what anyone thought of me, so I went downstairs in search of something to eat. I hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday, and I had barely even eaten anything then. My stomach was growling loudly as I walked into the kitchen. It was still pretty early, and my mom still wouldn't be up for about a half an hour.

I poured myself a big bowl of cereal and sat at the kitchen island, eating like I had never seen food before. I then heard my mom shuffling around in her bedroom, which was on the first floor, close to the kitchen, and groaned to myself when I heard the door opened. _Yay_, she was up early today.

My mom walked into the kitchen, wearing one of her usual blazer-and-long-pencil-skirt combos that she always wore to work. My mom worked at a lawyer's office as a receptionist, and she got off always around the same time I got out of school. Which basically meant my mom was always home when I was.

"Hi." she said simply, pouring her own bowl of cereal. "Sleep well?"

I snorted.

"Like a baby." I said, sarcastically.

My mom sighed. "Nervous about school?"

I dropped my spoon into my bowl with a loud _clank_.  
"No. Do we really wanna start with this again?" I asked, feeling the anger start to rise up. My mom looked at me, wide-eyed.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant… you're still the new girl." my mom said. I got up and put my bowl in the sink and turned towards her.

"Okay, whatever. Let's just go. Hurry up." I said. My mom just pointed at the clock.

"We still have forty minutes, and even then, we'd still be pretty early." I sighed. My mom and I were both early-risers but we usually weren't up _this_ early.

We both sat in silence for a few minutes. I decided to wash and dry my bowl just for something to do.

"Hey honey?" my mom asked. I looked up at her.

"What?" I asked.

She sighed. "I'm sorry about what happened in the car yesterday. It was just… you know…. surprising, to see Eli."

I stood there without moving or saying anything for a few moments and then finally nodded. "It's okay."

My mom smiled. "Good."

I sighed. I could never stay mad at my mom for long, since she was basically my best friend.. Though, I would never admit that to anyone. Not that I even had anyone else to admit that to. Although my mom and I did fight a lot, we usually made up pretty fast

Then I remembered how I was supposed to meet with Clare after school. I practically groaned.

"Hey mom? I'm gonna be home later today. And I'll probably just walk home." I said. My mom looked utterly surprised.

"Where are you going?" she asked. I knew my mom wanted me to have 'more of a life' and I could hear the excitement in her voice.

"I'm going to get some coffee… with this girl I met yesterday." I said, deciding lying wasn't necessary. I didn't have to tell her who this girl was anyways and how I met her.

"Oh really?" she said, practically squealing. "What's her name?"

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, I'm not five. And her name's Clare. We're just getting coffee mom. We're practically strangers."

My mom just smiled. "Maybe this'll be _your_ year! Senior year is supposed to be the best year of your educational life. Just think about it. I can totally see you having a ton of friends this year. Maybe Degrassi wasn't as bad as I thought."

I tried not to roll my eyes again. "Mom, like I said before, I'm just getting coffee."

My mom smiled again. "Do you need money?"

This time, I groaned out loud. "No. I have enough for a cup of coffee."

"Okay, okay." my mom said, holding up her hands in defense.

**A/N: SORRY. AGAIN. I SWEAR, the Clare/Erin talk will be next chapter FOR SURE. Anyways, this chapter was very unexpected, it didn't go where I thought it was going to go. Please review! Love it? Hate it?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviews! You guys are amazing (: And you seemed to like Eli's section of the chapter so I'll try to include more Eli's POV in this story. Unfortunately, no Eli in this chapter. Sorry.**

_Erin's POV_

I walked into Creative Writing later that morning at the exact same time Clare did. She smiled at me and we took the seats in the back like we had yesterday.

"Are you glad the first day is done with?" she asked me. "It only gets easier as the days go on."

I nodded, in a great mood for some reason (which was surprising seeing as how my morning had first started out, but I guess making up with my mom made it a whole lot better) that I wasn't annoyed with Clare like I was yesterday. "And my status as 'new girl' will slowly wear off. I'm looking forward to that."

Clare nodded, like she completely understood what I was saying. "It's like freshmen year all over again, huh?"

I laughed, not a forced laugh, an actual one. "Except freshmen year at least every one else is new too. You don't really stand out that way."

She nodded. "True. But hey, you're lucky you only have one year left. I still have two."

I just smiled and nodded, knowing full well that Clare was the nerdy-ish type and probably loved school but I wasn't going to comment on that. I was actually starting to tolerate her over-polite personality. I'm not saying I _like_ her, but I don't _mind_ her anymore.

"Well, I have University applications and the SAT to look forward to." I said, groaning in my head. It was true, I had a list of online applications I had to get to plus I had to get started on studying for the SAT. I had been putting them off since the end of junior year when I was supposed to be starting on that stuff.

My mom obviously wanted me to get into a good university, but like I've said before, I'm definitately not the _best_ student. I had a C average, which meant I was headed to a community college or a smaller local one.

"SAT?" Clare questioned. "Ouch. Yeah, Eli just started studying for those."

An awkward silence fell between Clare and me at the mention of Eli's name. I was beginning to get the idea Eli wanted nothing to do with me and that must have put Clare in a bad position. For all I knew, Clare could be telling me that she wanted nothing to do with me either when we out for coffee later. I sort of doubted that though, since she was acting so nice. Then again, she could _nicely_ say she wanted nothing to do with me and was just being polite out of sympathy or some crap.

"Oh." I finally said. Clare just nodded, and I hoped she was going to change the subject.

"Anyways," Clare started, and I felt myself relax a bit. "You did remember our outing after school today, right?"  
I nodded. "Yup."  
Clare smiled, leaning forward a bit. "Great. I'll meet you after school on the front steps later."

"Okay." I replied.

Then the bell rang and Ms. Dawes came in.

"I'm excited to see everyone's first writing assignment for this class! I hope you all didn't just write down the usual 'I went swimming and on a family vacation," even if that was how your summer was. Like I said, this is _creative_ writing, meaning sometimes we can get make part or all of our writing fiction."

I gulped. _Assignment?_ Oh of course, I wasn't paying attention yesterday in class because I was so freaked out over seeing Eli. I felt myself grow pale, not turning in an assignment at school usually sucked because the teacher sometimes pointed you out or made a fuss over it, but it looks absolutely terrible when you don't turn in the _first_ assignment.

All around me, binders were taken out, rings snapped open, papers was shuffled around and passed towards the front while Ms. Dawes talked about her summer vacation, which I assumed the assignment was the cliché overdone 'What did you do with your summer vacation?' I sunk down in my seat, hoping no one would notice that I wasn't passing a paper up.

I took my binder out anyways, and shuffled through some of my loose-leaf paper so it would look believable. I even snapped and unsnapped the rings a few times. But it was no use; I knew Clare had noticed I didn't pass anything up.

"Did you not do it?" she whispered. I felt myself grow annoyed with her for the first time that day; couldn't she just mind her own business?

I dropped my hands on to my desk in exasperation and turned towards her.

"No." I said through gritted teeth, feeling my pulse start to pound in my ears.

Clare suddenly had an odd expression on her face. "Well, why not?"

I felt my anger rising to a point that I barely ever reached, and I never had had a very bad temper until lately it seemed. I tried to calm down, but I felt like a kettle with mad, boiling water inside, about to overflow.

"I just didn't, alright?" I barked, knowing all of my self-control was long gone. I didn't bother to keep my voice down, like the idiot I am, and almost everyone in the class turned and stared at me. Even Ms. Dawes. I felt the heat rise up into my cheeks, and I turned away from Clare's shocked expression.

"Miss King?" Ms. Dawes asked, flipping through the stack of assignment she was holding. "Not only do you interrupt my class, you also did not do the assignment?"

I felt like I was going to throw up. I wished with every fiber of my being that I could get out of this room, away from everyone's stares and judgment. I cleared my throat, awkwardly, while Ms. Dawes stared at me with an impatient give-me-an-answer-already look.

I felt trapped so I did something that even surprised _me_. I shoved my binder off my desk; I heard a few gasps as it hit the fake-marble tiled floor. I then reached down, grabbed my backpack, and bolted out of the room.

I heard Ms. Dawes come out into the hallway as I practically ran down the hall, and ordered me to stop and come back. But I kept walking, feeling the tears run down my cheeks.

I then ran out the front door and down the front steps, and I didn't stop until I was just off of campus, on a sidewalk. I saw a bench on the other side of the street, and crossed the street and sat down.

I cried and cried. A lady walked by me with her dog and asked me if I was okay but I ignored her and she eventually continued on. My fists were clenched and my throat was raw.

When I was just about done crying, feeling like I had cried every drop of wetness out of my eyes, I heard a bell ring. It must have been the bell signaling first hour was over, and I was surprised I could hear it since I wasn't on campus anymore. I then grabbed my backpack and walked away from the bench, in the opposite direction of the school.

I hated Ms. Dawes. I hated every kid in that class. But most of all, I decided I hated Clare. I honestly had no idea why I actually felt like I liked her earlier, and I was stupid to actually be nice to her. She was dating the person my sister was in love with! It wasn't fair that Julia was where she was and Eli got to walk around and date other girls. If things didn't work out the way they had, he would have been a father right now, with a two year old son. And since that didn't happen, he could just live the most carefree life. _He should have been the one hit by the car._

I bit down on my lip as that thought flashed through my mind. I shook my head rapidly as I continued walking, I shouldn't be thinking things like that. No one deserves to die young, for any reason. Any even though I would do anything to have my sister back, it still wasn't right for me to think that.

Awhile later, I ended up at a park. I was a lot calmer now. Now, I just felt embarrassed how I stormed out, and what everyone thought of me _now._ But it didn't matter. I was never gonna see any of those people ever again. I was going to go home, tell my mom I wanted to change schools, and never have to set foot in Degrassi ever again. Or ever see Eli again.

Unfortunately, that's not how it worked out.

**A/N: Okay, that was unexpected. I guess the Clare/Erin coffee "date" isn't going to happen, or will it? Please review!**


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